We worry and work on our own finances. We know the importance of having conversations with our spouses, partners and significant others in the battle of managing household finances. We know that if we fail to have these conversations, especially as costs increase and incomes stagnate, that financial issues can easily creep into our relationships and cause untold problems.

We worry that our kids may not be learning everything they need to know about managing personal finances. To calm those worries we teach our kids the importance of saving, understanding the wise use of credit and how personal financial matters relate to the greater national and worldwide economies. We hope our efforts and those of the schools they attend are enough.

Curiously, many of us forget to consider the other direction on the family tree - our parents. Conversations about financial management with our parents are equally important, yet they happen rarely.

We know that if we fail to have these conversations financial issues can creep into our relationships and cause untold problems.

The reasons can be varied and complex. Sometimes we carry baggage from our role as the child in the relationship making adapting to new roles difficult. Sometimes we hesitate to question our parents’ financial management skills or feel we may be invading their privacy. Or we may never have known them to have financial worries in the past and assume they would not have any now. Parents, on the other hand, may feel reticent to burden their children with more financial worries.

Unfortunately, just like us, our parents and other seniors do have financial issues. Some of which they may have never considered before or never thought they would face.

Debt has become a part of every day life. Debt and its related problems have begun to tarnish the retirement dreams of seniors due to fixed incomes, increasing expenses, higher debt loads, and in some instances, a failure to plan adequately for future needs. And analysts anticipate seniors’ debt growth to continue as baby boomers retire.

Further complicating seniors’ financial picture are low market returns and still relatively low interest rates for retirement investments, limiting their ability to draw on these sources for living expenses. Meanwhile, some find themselves paying high (and getting higher) interest and fees for credit, using credit cards for necessities such as prescription drugs and groceries, attempting to bridge the gap between income and costs. All of which combines to drain what retirement savings seniors have and limiting their ability to maintain their dreamed of retirement lifestyles.

How do we engage in these needed and possibly difficult conversations and have them be effective?

First Things First.

Regardless of whether you are talking to your kids or your parents you must have your own financial goals defined. Consider it your prep work, home work, whatever. If you haven’t done your home work the lesson becomes considerably more difficult to teach. Create your own budget and live within in it. Understand your own financial habits and behaviors. How do they impact your financial goals and your ability to achieve those goals? Do the work. For yourself and for them. Of course, people of all ages are more likely to listen to what you have to say if they know you’ve already been in the trenches walking the walk and not just talking the talk.

You must have your situation under control before helping others. But before you begin your efforts with others, there is one more important conversation to have with yourself. Stop waiting for a bail out from Mommy and Daddy. When we were young, many of us were lucky enough to be able to go to Mom and Dad when our own financial management skills were limited or turned sour. That can turn into a bad habit for both parties.

One of the hardest things for some seniors to do, when trying to get a handle on their own financial issues, is to turn off the money tap from which their adult kids may be consistently drinking. (And if any part of your financial management plan’s success is dependent on receiving an inheritance from your parents - it’s time to go to plan B).

Next, swallow your pride and your insecurities and do it. Start financial management conversations with your family early and have them often. When talking with your parents include your siblings, if at all possible.

Finally, because conversations about financial management are delving into potentially sensitive subjects, go gently and easy. Recognize these conversations will not and should not take place all at once. Everyone knows that a little sugar and small doses make the medicine easier to take.